Once people see you are seriously dating, the first question is “when are you getting engaged?” Okay now I’m engaged, then it’s “girl when’s the wedding date?” Whew, now I got the date, & I’m married, the next infamous questions are: “when are you having a baby? What are you waiting for?”
I uploaded this post on my IG Stories & it prompted a discussion in my personal messages that I decided to share my thoughts here. Below are my top three reasons why you should have more compassion for people that are not mothers.
I’m Not Trying To Be Rude If Don’t Say Happy Mother’s Day:
- Please understand this: some years it’s easier to say “Happy Mother’s Day” than others. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not happy for you, your journey, & your children. But after I acknowledge your day, instead of just saying “thank you,” it’s okay to say “I appreciate you on today also.” Because best believe I’ve probably held your child, changed their diapers a few times, & fed them as well. Which means that I do have nurturing aspects within my heart just like you do.
Stop Asking Me When I Am Having A Child:
- I am aware that I am married; as well as how long. But for others it is not as easy as it may have been for you to conceive. Personally speaking for me I have started to share my journey as I embark on the road to conception. There are multiple tests and procedure that I have done within the last couple of months to ensure that my body is a temple for healthy nesting for my future children. I said all of that to say, one does not know everything a person goes through to have a child. Asking an insensitive question like that is a constant reminder of everything I am currently doing to “have a child.”
It’s Okay For Me To Feel This Way:
- This time of the year is one that I dread. Even the days leading up to Mother’s Day you get asked the million dollar question: are you a mother? When you say no, people look at you. And some are actually bold enough to ask what my age is. For years I’ve been the one to go with the flow, celebrate others, and take a big sigh once Mother’s Day is done. But I realized this year that I’m often sad and cry in silence because I don’t want to hurt friends or family members feelings. Till I realized that I cannot be there for others when I am emotionally not there for myself. So yeah!
I do not, if not barely discuss emotionally the toll it takes on women that are having trouble to conceive, suffering with infertility, or miscarried. In hindsight I’m sure that people with children does not even think about all the above that I have mentioned, but I wanted to share this with you all. I plan to discuss this more as I continue to make this an open topic for others to feel comfortable and shed some light on this topic.
A message to the Motherless:
You are not alone. I am here with you. You all are in my prayers daily. I love you. You are a great nurturer, provider, and more importantly WOMAN! A very special Happy Mother’s Day to you!
This was such a real and authentic post. Shows sometimes that problem really don’t know what you are dealing with and trying to come to grips with. Your three points opened my eyes a little bit more. ♥️
People*
Thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time to read my post & understand my heart. More importantly being open to another perspective.
Thank you for being open and honest about such a heavy topic. I have Been guilty of asking some of the questions you mentioned. I’m much more aware & make a conscience effort to be be insensitive.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I believe with my heart that not everyone are malicious when they ask, but really do not know what else to ask at times. Not really thinking how it affects the person. I appreciate your awareness now!
Words can not express how heartfelt your story is. You are wonderfully blessed and strong will to share your story. I may not understand your struggles, I may not understand your walk but through your words, I truly understand your pain. You are such an inspiration to me, continue the work you are doing to open up the minds of others that tarries along this journey of life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to understand me & others that may deal with the same struggle.
Beautiful post!
Thank you so much! I appreciate it! Xoxo
I agree. On Mother’s Day, especially this year I am very conscious to who I say ‘Happy Mother’s Day” to. I am conscientious to know that just because a woman is of age, every women is not a mother for many different reasons. I don’t want to unconsciously hurt her feelings. God bless all woman!
That’s great insight on Mother’s Day. Thank you so much for sharing & enlightening others.
This is such an important message. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I appreciate it!