My wife, April Christina, is an incredibly strong Black woman. While preparing for  our wedding we expected hiccups and issues to come up, but this was a whole different beast. One thing after another tried deter her, but through faith and prayer my wife was able to make it through. But what happens when making it through isn’t enough? What happens when you were able to weather the storm but it still left you damaged? My wife decided making it through wasn’t good enough. She wanted complete healing and not to allow the emotional cuts that she experience become emotional scars.

My wife decided to go to therapy! As her husband I was a bit apprehensive. Thereafter I realized she had experienced situations in her life that I wasn’t equipped to handle. So here are a few things that I learned from my wife going to therapy:

I Can’t Fix EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING Wasn’t Meant For Me To Fix

Like most men, I am a fixer. Present me with an issue and I will come up with solutions on how to get it done. But this was different. This wa

y of processing didn’t work because my quick fixes didn’t give my wife the healing she was seeking but rather a Band-Aid that allowed her to make it through the moment. After the moment passed, she would still be faced with the same issue. Instead of the cut closing, it now has gotten bigger.

My NEED For Therapy

As a Black man I’ve been predisposed to a culture and personal life experiences that shows Black men like myself being a threat to others and our own. Then we also are mentally programmed to be the epitome of strength and protection. Black men aren’t allowed to explore the complete complexities of their emotions because real men aren’t “soft.” There are many problematic images thrown at our minds since we were boys that has created a natural response in me to shut down when I don’t want to deal with things. And if provoked, I’ll just get upset and shut everything down.

It’s so dangerous living between two extremes. And no you can’t pray everything off. I firmly believe in the power of God to heal, deliver and set free but my Pastor, Tyrone Stevenson, said it best “you can’t grow somewhere spiritually where you haven’t grown emotionally.” So, sign a brother up because I refuse to live under a stigmatized view of my own existence.

Be INTENTIONAL About Who YOU CHOOSE To Be YOUR Therapist:

Because I’ve had a bad experience with therapy previously my wife and I decided that we were going to be very careful who we allowed into that intimate spaces of our mind and emotions. We had some things that we just weren’t willing to compromise on while searching for her therapist. Make sure you do the same.

We often think just because people have been qualified by an institution that they are qualified for your situation. Not true! We made it a point to do our research on each person suggested to us and that we came across on our own. I wanted to ensure that the my wife was provided with the best care for her journey. And if it doesn’t work out the first time keep going. All therapist aren’t the same so find the one that you know will push you to be the best version of you emotionally and mentally.

My wife is truly amazing and I appreciate the journey she has started in seeking complete and total healing. This will not only make her stronger but our family as well. I definitely married an exceptional Black Queen and more importantly and exceptional wife. Thank you Mrs. Alexander!